Teaching the Teacher (Part 2)

Release Card and Burst Card and the 3G’s

There are also those who justify their actions to be generally accepted norms. They say it is normal for example to curse because freedom of expression is inherent to everybody. There goes again the freedom that often people put a misplaced emphasis on – freedom of expression. Some would say that we just need to let out and so they would often use the “burst card” or the “stress card” or however they call it (card refers to excuses). They so often use these cards to acknowledge their being humans and as such they need to release. Allow me to differentiate then release card from the burst card. I coined these two terms to represent two kinds of situations in which a person might find himself to have a sudden urge to say what we generally say as bad words.

Releasing is different from bursting. When we release, we are aware of what is going on inside us. It means that if an unfavorable situation happened and we want to say something about it, we acknowledge first its effect on us and then our thought processes our feelings and/ or actions by validating it in relation to such situation. Our thought validates our feelings and/ or actions by analyzing whether it is an appropriate emotional or bodily response or a mere go-with-the-flow response. (However, we should note the protective nature of our thoughts and that we might more often lean in bias towards appropriate to defend our responses.) A simple guideline to identify whether our response is appropriate is if we feel good about it and we spend less time rationalizing about our action because our inner compass tells us that we did the right thing. Go-with-the-flow response, however, is a cover I have observed people use to blend in with the current flow of conversation for example. Some go-with-the-flow people I’ve observed are the ones who incessantly agree with whatever is being said during the conversation even if the opinions expressed are not appropriate. (I usually observe this in parties where people try to not be left out with the so-called happenings. This occurrence is also observable when some co-workers get together to talk about anything they can express their opinions about.) They lose their mental faculties in the process of going with the flow so they blind themselves of what is going on so that they would be in with the group. Most of the times the go-with-the-flow people deny to recognize this kind of pattern. Mostly, it is because their thought processes the response with a certain kind of bias due to our inherent pro-self nature. These people would claim that it is normal to express themselves. I agree that is common but whether it is normal or not, that is the question. Normal means inherent to your psychology, biology, and sociology. Common, on the other hand, means that it is prevalently observable. Most oftentimes when these people say normal, what they actually mean is common. They think that since it is common, it is normal. Well, that is not always the case. This would lead us back to the two cards – the release card and the burst card. As I have explained earlier, we are entitled to a release card when we are aware of how our thought processes our responses. To sum it all up, we often use the burst card to defend our go-with-the-flow responses. When we release, we are still aware of our feelings. Bursting, on the other hand, is when our movements have become faster than our thoughts.

It’s not easy really to identify when we are releasing or when are bursting. Often, we will have done something first before our thoughts processes it, before our thoughts can identify whether our words or actions fall under the 3G’s (gossiping, griping, and groaning). As a teacher, you and I have the utmost responsibility to think before we speak or before we do.

To teach thyself is the hardest thing to do. But I believe that it is only the hardest if we refuse to be taught; if we refuse to acknowledge common (not normal) patterns that taint our character and integrity. So often, we defend ourselves because we believe its normal, but it is not really. Yes it is common, but it is not necessarily normal. As teachers, we speak most of the time to our students. Each word we say, each act we do, we can never pull back. What normal is how we are created in the holy image because that is what our true nature is – divine.

Teaching the Teacher (Part 1)

The hardest person to teach is thyself.  Oftentimes, we know the right thing to do.  We try our best to do them.  But sometimes, we just slip.  We lose our balance.  No single being is an exception.  It takes a great deal of effort to get back on track and maintain the inner peace that we need to function properly – inner peace of mind, and inner peace of heart.

 

I write this so that its readers would acknowledge that anxiety is a condition of living, one, which we cannot avoid, one that we must deal with.  However, many people are often scared to experience anxiety.  When they experience this, they suddenly just put up their defensive selves and do everything to shut their senses because they do not want to bear the uncanny feeling that anxiety gives.  Thus, they rob themselves of the essential part of their existence, again, anxiety. 

 

We all have our defense mechanisms when we are dealing with anxiety.  We have formed these defense mechanisms either unconsciously or consciously.  Unconscious defense mechanisms are the automatic responses we do when faced with a certain situation.  These are the deeply seated and imbedded practices in our subconscious.  Thus, when faced with a problem, one might simply keep quiet as he tries to figure out the solution to his problem by himself.  Or when somebody feels happy, for example, he might unconsciously be treating the people around him with some sort of a happy spree.  These defense mechanisms fall into the unconscious when a person doing it is not aware that such mechanisms are his auto-response.  The other kinds, conscious defense mechanisms, are what one has consciously learned based on experience, ones, which are chosen carefully through discernment.  Thus, if a person who is faced with a problem has suddenly become aware that whenever he is sad he becomes quiet and people notice such behavior, he may consciously choose to act naturally okay so that others will not see he is having some problems.  Or if a person who feels happy has suddenly become aware that whenever he is happy, he treats other people with some sort of a happy spree, he then restrains himself to do so because he has become aware and he acknowledges that his response may not be appropriate or healthy both for himself and others.  So instead of a spree, he may simply choose to just acknowledge his feelings and not do anything grandiose in relation to such feelings.

 

The challenge for most of us is that we do not know how and when we react accordingly.  I have spoken to friends and acquaintances about how I have observed them to have shown obvious defense mechanisms.  Many of them are oblivious about it, some are just in plain denial (another defense mechanism).  They know it but they just do not want to admit it to themselves.  They are the kind of people who are observed to repeat their old mistakes and revert to their old habits.  It is either because they are not aware or they refuse to be aware of their reactions.  Eventually, they form these habits and the longer they refuse to be aware of their unhealthy habits; the longer they suffer from cycle of failures.

 

The harder habit to break is that what we have unconsciously formed ourselves.  The hardest habit to break, to add, is that what we have consciously formed.  It is harder to wake a person if he is pretending to be asleep.  Change, no matter how big, starts from acknowledgment.  Unless we acknowledge the need for it, we will not change.  Self-awareness and acknowledgment are the keys.

 

Much more is asked from a teacher.  Everyday is an opportunity not just to teach but be taught.  Teaching moments for teachers are everywhere, from inside the classroom, to the hallway, to the faculty room, even to the malls, or someplace else for hanging out.  A teachers’ credibility to teach is only to the extent of what he practices.  Thou shalt practice what thy preach. 

 

Preparing lesson plans pertaining to academic lessons is not nearly as hard as preparing for my lessons, which have something to do with values formation.  While it is easy to master the aspects of grammar and literature (I teach English, by the way) it is always challenging to talk to students in terms of character because it forces you to first reflect the values in your self.  It may sound idealistic but if you cannot do it, you cannot teach it.  One most basic example are the teachers (and even some adults) who tell their students to not use impolite expressions.  The “F” word for instance, how many teachers say this word when students are not around?  I can only hope that there is none.  Otherwise, teachers who use this expression DO NOT have the right to tell their students to not use them.  Sometimes, some teachers also hide in the guise of being an adult as if being such has given them the right to do so.  But is being an adult more of not an excuse to use these expressions?  The students should actually be given more leniency than the adults because students still need guidance.  Adults, however, are expected to become more responsible.  I am not saying that we should be devoid of mistakes but to come up with an excuse and not acknowledge our mistakes is another story. 

(To be continued.)

Punctuality and the Six Pillars of Character

It was just recently when I entered Multiple Intelligence International School that I heard about the Six Pillars of Character – TRRFCC.  During my interview last April, I glanced at a bulletin board outside the administration office in their grade school department.  I read it as terrific and I said to myself that it was easy to remember.  I created a mental picture of six Greek pillars with the letters of T-R-R-F-C-C on top of it.  During our training each of the pillar was discussed briefly.  Its discussion was not lengthy but it was direct to the point as it was practical.  My interest on the subject grew and I started getting information about it on the internet.  That is what I wish to share to the readers thru this blog. 

Whether at work, at home, or at play, there are basic values that define ethical behavior.  These values are not political, religious, or culturally biased.[i]  The Josephson Institute of Ethics defines ethics in terms of moral duties and virtues that flow from six core ethical values.  We call these values the Six Pillars of Character:[ii] Briefly put, they are Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, and Citizenship.  The Six Pillars of Character are ethical values to guide our choices.  The standards of conduct that arise out of those values constitute the ground rules of ethics, and therefore of ethical decision-making.

There is nothing sacrosanct about the number six.  We might reasonably have 8, or 10, or more.  But most universal virtues fold easily into these six.  The number is not unwieldy and the Six Pillars of Character can provide a common lexicon.  Why is a common lexicon necessary?  So that people can see what unites our diverse and fractured society.  So we can communicate more easily about core values.  So we can understand ethical decisions better, our own and those of others.

The Six Pillars act as a multi-level filter through which to process decisions.  So, being trustworthy is not enough – we must also be caring.   Adhering to the letter of the law is not enough – we must accept responsibility for our action or inaction.

The Pillars can help us detect situations where we focus so hard on upholding one moral principle that we sacrifice another – where, intent on holding others accountable, we ignore the duty to be compassionate; where, intent on getting a job done, we ignore how.

In short, the Six Pillars can dramatically improve the ethical quality of our decisions, and thus our character and lives.[iii]

These Pillars have helped me filter my actions and even the words that I say.  I simply ask myself, “Is this a trrfcc move?” whenever I am in a dilemma of choosing between two actions.  I then find myself standing in the middle of the Six Pillars and suddenly, deciding to do what is right becomes easier because these Pillars are so strong and you can surely lean on them.  In my head, I’m literally imagining these pillars protecting me from the dark forces. J

In the school, I practice referring to this whenever I notice students who are having a challenging time in choosing their proper actions.  As adolescents, my students are expected to somehow slip and have some missteps along the way and it is so much easier to simply just ask them, “Is it trrfcc?” than to make long litanies that could probably bore them.

In MIIS, I have the privilege of working with Mrs. Olvido, our HS Principal whose motto is “Be punctual.”  As I was organizing my thought to prepare a correspondence that I would send out to the parents of my homeroom class, her motto rang in my ears – be punctual, be punctual, and be punctual.  I would imagine her face light up as she says how much she values punctuality, punctuality, and punctuality.  It then came to me how this valuable habit can serve as a springboard to instilling the Six Pillars of Character to everybody.  Punctuality embraces the Six Pillars of Character in so many ways.  To be trustworthy means that one should be trusted to show up when needed.  To be respectful means that one should respect other people’s time.  To be responsible means that one should meet agreed deadlines.  To be fair means that one must be fair with people who are on time.  To be caring means that one must show concern to the people who are waiting.  To be a good citizen means that one must obey rules and regulations, and yes, the agreed time for work or for school.  Ultimately, to be punctual means that you are in control of yourself; you are in control of your time; and since you are in control, you are leading yourself.

The ripple effect of this habit is eternal when instilled to the students.  It encompasses the Six Pillars of Character that MI put so much value on.  We all know that character is first and foremost and character education doesn’t exclude anyone.  Let us see if we can start with the simple habit of punctuality.  Let us tell our students how being punctual can strengthen their character.  Ultimately, let us be the models of punctuality and the seventh pillar our students can lean on.  A word from Mr. Lopez, “Our father (Eugenio Lopez Jr.) never really taught us values.  He merely showed them.”

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[i] http://josephsoninstitute.org/sixpillars.html

[ii] http://www.ncsu.edu/midlink/cc/cc.pillars.html

[iii] http://josephsoninstitute.org/MED/MED-2sixpillars.html

Teachers Walk the Talk with Positive Talk

Action and inaction are choices.  To choose how to think, however, is something that is hard to concretize – for whatever one thinks, he is the only who knows it.   Words, on the other hand, are thoughts in action.  It means that words that are spoken, by the mere meaning of the base of the verb “spoken”, which is the action word “speak”, are actually an action completed.  If action and inaction are choices, then the freewill lies within the speaker.  If this is so, the speaker can practice to choose the words he will enact or speak.  

That is the premise of the use of positive language.  To use positive language, one has to have the gift of freewill.  The good news is that everyone is gifted with it.  To exercise freewill means to be in control of our choices, to be in control of our actions, to be in control of our words.

Our words are a powerful tool.  It can build but it can also destroy.  It builds when it encourages, supports, and inspires, but it destroys when it gripes, gossips, and groans (3G’s – I heard this from Teacher Joy).   To add to these 3G’s are the 3C’s – criticize, condemn, and complain.

If walking the talk means to act the talk, let the first action be thru our speech.  Let the first action be thru our words so that we may become good influence to those who surround us and so that we can slowly open the gate that leads to growth and positive change.   To practice this, we can also keep in mind what John Maxwell calls the 3A’s – attention, appreciation, and affirmation.

Teachers are leaders.  They should walk the talk.  To walk the talk, we can start with our (positive) talk be it inside the school or outside. Nobody says that this new practice is easy but it’s worth the try.  We can only consciously put an effort to wear a positive lens to actively look at any situation positively until it becomes automatic, until it becomes a habit. J

Beat Procrastination: Do. Laugh. Try (Again).

If the hardest thing to do is to start, for others, the second hardest probably is to laugh while doing, and third to try again when things go wrong. And usually, they are in that order. Procrastination is just one of those habits that hinder our progress and ability to accomplish things on time or when they are required. There are these 3 words that actually made me change how I view the tasks that are given to me – do, laugh, try (again). Hopefully, this could help others deal with their putting off habits too.
The foremost challenge we face when doing a project believe it or not is to figure out how to start it. Some people (like me) are so analytical that they tend to over-analyze information before getting their hands to work. Also, some tend to become overly creative when overwhelmed with the project at hand. The key is to just start not by thinking but by actually doing. Let me give an example: if you want to write an article, instead of merely thinking about the article, you can actually turn your computer on and start typing whatever thoughts come into your mind. Another thing is if you would like to start a scrapbook, simply grab a scrapbook and colored papers (if that’s your material) and start cutting and pasting until you’re done. If you want a new choreography for your dance troupe, start playing the music and face the mirror and start figuring out the steps. If you want to run or go to the gym, you just have to do wear your rubber shoes, and do walk outside and drag your legs to running. If it’s working out, then you just have to do get into the gym and do start lifting weights. They key is to move, to engage your physique to the completion of your project; to simply do. This reinforces habit #1 – Be proactive.
The second challenge is being able to laugh at ourselves when the initial outcome of our project is not what we have hoped for. Some people get easily disappointed with their projects because it’s not what they envisioned so they tend to put it off again until they think they’re ready or more equipped. The fact is, if we are to put off our tasks say 2 days or so, we don’t get more ready or more equipped enough to fulfill it. It is an illusion too to wait for perfect conditions to arise before we accomplish things, because our surroundings and conditions will never be perfect – perfection does not exist, at least not in this lifetime. So let’s laugh at the flaws of our work and let’s work with joy; then, let’s try again.

The 4 Agreements in Classroom and Life (Last Part)

Life Rehearsal inside the School

Yes, the school in itself is a separate culture from than of outside its walls and the school administration, staff, and faculty members are all but a part of the building of this culture.  When a student enters the school, it is the responsibility of the aforementioned group of people to make sure that the culture a student will live in is a culture that will enable him to grow as a person and not a culture that will rob him off of his self-esteem and self-worth.  And yes it takes that long of a rehearsal to ensure that a student is deeply imbibed with a culture of values and principles so that he can face even more challenging tasks ahead of his life when he’s no longer inside the school wall.

The first 18 years of life are the most delicate years in one’s development.  Freudian and even Eriksonian psychology have both proven how issues in these first few stages are carried on to adulthood and how adults struggle to put things together in perspective in connection with their childhood and adolescence conflicts.  Naturally it follows that aside from the family home, the school culture is the next of kin that molds students.  As students grow older, they spend more hours at school, probably even more hours than they spend being with their family.  A high school student approximately spends an average of 10 hours to 12 hours a day with school people and 8 hours sleeping.  That would leave them 4 to 6 hours as time for themselves and talking to other member of the families.  If you do the math, you’d figure how their social life is centered on the school system.  This system is what schools have to work on to protect so that an average of 10 to 12 hours a student spends in its walls shall count on his young life.

It is an amazing realization on my part that four simple agreements can make a difference in a child’s life if these agreements are lived by to heart in the school.  It is yet one of the most brilliant and straightforward ideas those teachers can reinforce from time to time in the classroom and in the school as a whole.  It is with fervent hope that when we release the students to join the world out there, that they may choose their thoughts carefully and speak only about the best of people, and situations no matter how hard it may be; that they choose integrity, word of honor, and positive language in their communication; that they choose to smile at others and be compassionate to those who may look at them as enemies instead of violently fighting back – this is because their self worth is not something others can steal because they understand that they shouldn’t take things personally; that they are clear with their communication and they are responsible at any given time because they don’t assume; that in every minute of the day they choose to live their best self because that’s what these agreements are all about; that as educators and builders of school culture we let students become this because, as well, we are impeccable with our words, we don’t take things personally, we don’t make assumptions, and we always do our best.   Yes, 4 simple agreements to keep rehearsing our students to be the best people they can be everyday.  Everyday, the curtain opens.  As teachers, we get to teach.  As students, they get to perform.  Curtain calls.

The 4 Agreements in Classroom and Life (Part 4 of 5)

(Agreements #3 and #4)

Agreement #3 – do not make assumptions, is also one of the contracts a teacher must sign up to. It tells the teacher to be dynamic and as such must be able to clearly communicate ideas and even classroom rules. On the first part of this writing, it was mentioned how conflicts arise from “I-thought” phrases and end up with it. One of the common mistakes of the teachers is to assume that students “must know” or “must already know” attitude. To add to it, some teachers also assume their students to be clairvoyants who can read their minds. ☺ The question that teachers must answer in relation to this agreement is, “Did you do everything in your power to effectively and clearly communicate what you want to say? Were you impeccable with your word?” Once again, we are reinforcing here the first agreement by clearly and effectively communicating to our students what it is that we want them to achieve. Rubrics and exemplars are just some of the means we can communicate to our students our objectives for their activities. One-word criteria are not enough. Each criterion should be explained and given a respective point system. Teachers can’t expect student to do what is not taught or communicated to them. Teachers can only expect students to perform better based on the guidelines that are given. This agreement is also valuable in setting up classroom rules. Teachers don’t assume that the students already know how to listen because some students really need guidance to be directed to even a simple action. Yes, they need to be directed even to a simple action such as listening. Making students listen is probably the most challenging task a teacher faces; listen to instructions, lectures, classmates reciting, name it, a teacher often faces a big challenge making students listen. At school we are taught about the different SR (Stimulus-Response) theories. They will serve as a valuable practice in the classroom as well. It is enlightening to see how some teachers efficiently manage classroom behavior merely by clapping. Some others bring some handy musical instruments with them to reinforce a certain behavior. My practice when I teach is to simply keep quiet and stand firm in front until the class noise dissipates. The important thing to remember is to enable the class associate a certain behavior with a certain stimulus. It is also important to remember that consistency is necessary for this practice. There are a lot of cues that a teacher can use to illicit a certain behavior. Those mentioned are auditory cues. Others can be visual cues. Pictures showing different images that students can associate with a certain behavior may also work. Others show a placard with a thinking hat on it to communicate to everybody that the activity involves some serious thinking. Others use a picture of an ear if they are to do a story telling class. Kinesthetic cues are also useful such as making the students raise their hands up together to signal a transition to the next work. All these practices mentioned are just some of the practical ways in which a teacher goes out of the way to be more creative to avoid making assumptions. They involve students in formulating ground rules and everybody understands what is expected of them. The gray areas are minimized and everything in agreement is in either black or white. This makes for the easy management and smooth flow of classroom activities.
The next agreement – always do your best, also provides for a perspective not necessarily of achievement but of self-worth and self-fulfillment. This fourth agreement encompasses all the other agreements and that to fulfill each of them, we have to do our best – correction – always do our best. The same agreement that we communicate to our students to ensure that they like their work and they are able to work in a culture not just of respect of others but respect for one’s self. That each work be done not simply with the aim of finishing it for grade but to make sure it is valuable and it can make a difference. Teachers walk the school everyday carrying these agreements that I now call weapons or instruments to guide not just their thoughts and actions but those of the students and other members of the school community as well. These 4 agreements can take part to promote a positive school culture that students can live by and bring with them when they step out of its walls. (To be continued.)

The 4 Agreements in Classroom and Life (Part 3 of 5)

(Agreement #2)

The primary underlying principle in agreement #1 is paradigm shift and it is a necessary prerequisite to agreement #2 – do not take things personally.  Earlier, I’ve cited examples that show how the ideal of a new teacher can be easily clouded by the new culture it becomes a part of.  We all know how easy it is to be swayed by those who surround us because all of us want to belong.  For sure, nobody wants to be left alone in one corner with his or her ideals.  Not all of us are that strong.  Sooner or later, once we have become a part of a culture, we eventually adjust and adapt to it.  So if you become a part of a competitive culture, chances are you’ll carry the same competitiveness when you enter another culture and it will take time before you dismantle your previous learning.  On the other hand, if you become a part of a cooperative culture, chances are you’ll carry the same cooperativeness when you walk out of it.  Sad to say, if you enter a culture that is pessimistic, even if you come from a culture of support and respect, you are still faced with a lot of challenges.  Again, not all of us last long even if we, teachers are taught with ideals.  The big question in this agreement is this – how much more our young students?  If we are adults and yet still be challenged by the real world in choosing between what’s right and what’s wrong, how much more are these young minds?  When I was growing up as a student, I had heard teachers say, “Di na kayo nahiya sa akin!  Teacher ninyo ako!” (Don’t you feel a bit ashamed!  I’m your teacher!) or “Hindi niyo ba ako mahal?  Adviser niyo pa man din ako…” (Don’t you love me?  It’s the least I expect for being your adviser).   Some of my teachers would go on with their never ending litany to the point that the only take-away we could go home that day was not even close to values education.  Fortunately for my teachers, it worked for me but not for my classmates.  I bought into their guilt-inducing strategies but not the others.  Now here’s the thing, since my teacher took it personally, I learned to take my classmates’ behavior personally too.  I thought they didn’t like my teacher and they were naturally disrespectful.  I saw them on the lens my teacher saw them from.  It wasn’t until I was already in college that I fully understood that we are just high school.  It was part of our development.  We were simply being high school.  Now, as I recall these high school moments in connection to these agreements, all I could think of was this: it wasn’t because my classmates were naturally rambunctious.  It was just that my teacher didn’t know how to be professional about it and my classmates unintentionally saw it.  She wasn’t able to command respect from them on a professional level.  In the classroom, most especially with high school students, the teacher can’t take things said personally even if they are personal.  A skilled and competent teacher must know how to deal with these kinds of circumstances because he or she should have been trained and prepared for this kind of situation.  Do not take things personally because in the classroom, you are a professional no matter what the case maybe.  The essence of your job depends on your professional skills as a teacher.  Students may open up with you on a personal level by telling you about their problems at home and other personal matters but even so, as a professional, you are expected to encounter this kind of situation.  Not to be misguided however, we are not suggesting that a teacher should be impersonal and distant.  Warmth and caring are just two of the most important traits a teacher should have.  But above all this, a teacher must understand that he or she is first and foremost a professional.  As teacher Joy puts it, “You should have no personal opinions, only professional ones.”  When you personally react to a perceived personal comment of a student, it makes you less professional.  In one workshop that I conducted, a male high school student called me with a bad word.  My first instinct would have been to react and get right back at him with his own lingo to give him a taste of his own medicine.  Yes, I felt that my ego was bruised.  Thankfully though, I instinctively reacted differently.  I said to myself that students like him are the very reasons why there should be professional teachers.  I simply inhaled and exhaled and said, “Is that what you think?” He said, “Yes!  Because you’re singling me out!  I wasn’t stomping my feet!” (The whole class, however, knew it was he.)  I quickly replied, “If that’s what you think, you’re entitled to it.  Meanwhile, sit down and join your classmates when you’ve mellowed down.”  I said those words with conviction and composure with my chin up and head high.  I never gave him another chance to speak and I ignored his mumblings on the side.  The class went on to its class activity and everything was back to normal and he felt awkward because he was the only one sitting down. (This student and I are now in good terms.  He apologized to me and I to him and we separated ways on a healthy note.)  In one instance, when teacher Joy threw the same scenario to a teacher in MI, the teacher simply said, “I understand you’re angry but we don’t allow that kind of word here in MI.  Sit down and I’ll talk to you after class.” – simple, straightforward, no drama, that’s how a trained professional teacher should deal with it and not by a long list of litany and guilt-inducing strategies that are often disgusting and unproductive.   (To be continued.)

The 4 Agreements in Classroom and Life (Part 2 of 5)

Classroom and School Culture

As a stage actor, I’m accustomed to rehearsing my lines, my actions, and my manners with my co-actors, and even my trail of thoughts before each performance.  And here’s the fact – actors who don’t rehearse and cram with their tasks always show less authenticity on stage and audience can usually tell.  Consistent rehearsal is necessary for an actor so that when he steps onstage, the portrayal of the character would seem effortless, natural.  He doesn’t have to make the audience believe.  They just do because he has become.  On a different standpoint, classrooms are pretty much the stage with the students as actors and teachers as their director.  However, this time as teachers, we don’t give them other characters to study because they have their own to explore.  This rehearsal is the students’ preparation for when they go out of the school walls.   The teacher is the moving factor that motivates a student to learn inside the classroom and outside it.  The challenge becomes tougher when a student is let out of the classroom and mingles with other students with other teachers.  That’s why it is also imperative that the school culture is integrated to reinforce the students’ learning.  In addition, a school in itself can live out a culture separate from that of outside its walls.  The faculty and staff also carry out and observe this culture so that when new students are taken in, their old unconstructive habits don’t prevail over the culture.  The culture starts to shape them, encourage them, affirm them until eventually their spirits are revived.  Then again and unfortunately, not all schools live out this culture of support.  I’ve seen students who change to their own disadvantage and I can’t blame them.  They come from schools whose culture didn’t allow them to grow.  These students come from schools that branded them; put labels on them as either intelligent or dumb, high IQ or low IQ, all based merely on their capability of the three R’s (reading, ‘riting, ‘rithmetic).  I’ve heard teachers blurt out to their students, “You are so lazy!”  When I was in 3^rd grade and I asked my language teacher a question, she just said, “Weren’t you listening?  I’ve just told you!”  Another science teacher I’ve heard said to her students, “Ano ba kayo?  Kanina pa ako paulit-ulit dito!  Para kayong mga tanga sa tanong ninyo!” (“What’s the matter with you people?  I’m starting to sound like a broken record here!  You’re starting to sound like a bunch of idiots with your questions!”).   All these scenarios are just some of the few and I can assure you that there are more.  Another reality is this – it’s hard to blame these schools.  These practices were passed onto them by their previous generation.  Not to mention that the teachers probably experienced the same thing when they were growing up.  In effect, they didn’t have people if not they lacked people that they can model proper practices from. 

I’m sharing this not to get back at the schools I know or the teachers that taught me or have worked with.  I’m sharing this because as an educator, the best way I know how to reach those fellow teachers is thru this writing.  I’d love to sit with my fellow educators and talk about this but I’m afraid that won’t happen anytime soon.  This writing however can be done in an hour or so and I could just easily tag them with the power of technology with the hope that the agreements presented here could bring them insights and practices that they can apply to their classrooms.  In education school, we were taught these principles repeatedly.  The big question is if we know them, then why are most of us not applying them?  The answer is surprisingly simple – the school culture; when most of us are thrown fresh from our respective colleges to the schools, our ideals are somewhat distorted because we don’t see them in practice.  I have had the first hand experience of this and I was struggling because inside I was torn to following whether what I was taught by the education school or the school culture that I am in.  It shouldn’t be so hard for a teacher like me to stand up for myself and tell the other teachers that we shouldn’t be treating the students like a bunch of juvenile but it is.  The concern of being called idealistic and being misinterpreted to be somebody trying to make an impression are also common experiences of my classmates when they are doing their practicum.  In their practicum, they are thrown to observe different public schools and work with other teachers.  Unfortunately, most teachers they have worked with are so filled with a cynical perception of the students.  Some common labels these teachers attach to the students are lazy, pasaway or stubborn, problem student or problem section, poor student or poor section among others.  This is where agreement #1 comes in as an essential standpoint in classroom management and school culture.  Thoughts are magnets, which attract most what it thinks of mostly.  Words usually represent thoughts.  Words are thoughts in action.  When you say it, you’ve said it.  You’ve enacted it.  But when at the process of thinking and you filter your thoughts, and in this same process you change your words, you strengthen that ability of yours to make good judgment; you practice discernment.   Much more, you don’t enact bad thoughts and you teach yourself to look in a different perspective.  When a teacher sees his students and forms his thoughts about them, his thoughts attract the very object he’s thinking about.  So if you think “lazy”, you attract “lazy”.  If you think pasaway (stubborn), you attract pasaway.  But when you think “good student”, you attract “good student.”  When you think “improving student”, you attract “improving student.”  But the tricky part about this agreement is this – sincerity, the genuine reflection of your thoughts and actions.  The most important part in agreement #1 is your paradigm shift.  We are not talking about flattering and praising our students.  We are talking about our sincere perception of them that says they are important and capable of growth.  We are talking about viewing them and looking at them through a different lens.  We are impeccable with our words because our thoughts have become clearer.  We have unconditionally accepted and loved our students, thus, we see them in a different light.  (To be continued.)

The 4 Agreements in Classroom and Life (Part 1 of 5)

The Four Agreements

I couldn’t remember exactly when I first heard about the 4 agreements.  All I remember was how a speaker in a seminar stressed his point about how simple life can be if we stick to these agreements.  The seminar was about health and wellness.  It was well attended by different scholars here and abroad.  As the speaker explained how each agreement could be applied and how each agreement could ultimately bring a long-lasting effect to our relationship with everyone.  I couldn’t help but agree. 

During our training, I also learned that these 4 agreements play a vital force in MI culture and practices. The four agreements are:

1. Be impeccable with your word.

2. Do not take things personally.

3. Do not make assumptions.

4. Always do your best.

Let’s discuss the four agreements briefly.  The broad concept of agreement #1 is to avoid sinning with our thoughts.  Since words are thoughts in action, words most naturally reflect our thoughts.  Words are powerful tools and as powerful as they are, its users should be keen and responsible. In the movie Spiderman, Peter was told,  “With great power comes great responsibility.”   Our words can either build or destroy and its our choice how to use them.  In a nutshell, integrity, encouragement, and word of honor are some of the traits that exhibit this agreement.  Agreement #2 lets you open your frame of reference to the point of view of others.  Not taking things personally mean that when others seem to have formed their perception about things, situations, people, including you, it’s about them, not about you.  They see things from their lens.  This also enables us to deepen our understanding of others.  It reinforces one of the 7 habits of highly effective people – seek first to understand, then to be understood.  Agreement #2 simply means as it’s written – do not make assumptions.  How many conflicts have we witnessed in the workplace simply because another party or one makes an assumption.  How many arguments are caused simply by “I thought-attitudes” and end up in “I thought-phrases”?  Agreement #4 sums up the 4 agreements.  Simply put, if you’re doing something ask yourself this, “Did you put all of your self into it? – Your mind, your heart, your soul?” According to the Mayans, these four agreements are the “sit of wisdom and happiness”; just four rules, no complications and I am delighted as to how these agreements are integrated to classroom discipline and management.

MI Lens: On Discipline thru Positive Communication: Ripple Effect

  “You guys are so lazy.”  “You’re always dilly-dallying that’s why you’re not accomplishing anything.”  At the risk of sounding negative even though I’m writing about the power of positive paradigm in communication and discipline, I took the courage of quoting some of the teachers I’ve worked with in other schools to cite a common example of how paradigms can be negative and destructive.  However, I regret that despite I knew that we shouldn’t brand students negatively; I wasn’t able to call their attention to their actions and its repercussions.  Whenever I hear them give such a sermon, my mind just automatically flashes back to my own experience.

In elementary, I was sent out of my classroom for not being able to do my assignment in Mathematics.  My math teacher threateningly asked me, “Where is your assignment?” and I sadly replied, “I didn’t do it teacher…” He asked why and I said, “My mom’s lola died.  We were busy and…” Before I was even able to finish my sentence, I already heard him shouting at me, “Get out!  I don’t need you in my class!  Get out!”  I wasn’t able to stand up right away because I wanted to finish telling him why I wasn’t able to do my assignment with the hope that maybe he’d show some mercy.  But no, he didn’t give me a chance.  I silently walked out of the room and went to the library. 

As I’m currently pursuing a career in teaching, I am forced to reflect with my previous experiences as a student when I was a child so that I may avoid negative paradigms and practices my teachers have exhibited in the classroom.  It is in our training today that I get to reflect on my past experiences as a child student.  I was also able to appreciate the power of disciplining thru sending positive messages in a deeper perspective as we role-play in a practical positive communication skills exercises.  Two words - positive communication – that’s what mostly instilling discipline is all about.  With this new lens that I’m wearing, I’m starting to see and hear things differently.  I’m starting to study the effect of every word I say and I question whether the message I’m sending promotes positivity and is directed to eliciting an appropriate attitude.  I have then realized the power of words that we utter not only to its receiver but for its sender as well.  Looking back at my experience in math class, I wonder how, if I were my math teacher, would I have been able to handle it without humiliating, omitting, and sending a student out.  I tried wearing the non-judgmental and positive hat and this is what I’ve come up with: I would’ve asked my student politely why he didn’t have an assignment and maybe I would’ve found out that the student’s mom’s grandmother had just died and his family attended the funeral and went to the interment.  I would’ve realized that members of the student’s family could’ve been busy that time that was why they weren’t able to assist the child in his assignment.   As his teacher, I would have probably said, “I’m sorry for your loss.  How are you and your mom? It must be hard for her.  Now, I’m sure that you want to catch up with the lesson.  I promise I’ll help you out later.”   I could’ve even called his family and express my condolences and talk about how well their little boy solved some extra problems I gave.  With that, I would’ve sent the right message to the boy and build bridges with the family.  I would’ve felt better about myself for being a good teacher and choosing to respond positively.  Yes, that’s how I wished my math teacher had viewed the circumstances.  (In my to do list, I'll write him a letter about it.  Of course, it's been ages but I'm a little curious about what his response would be.)

 As teachers, we have the responsibility to stay positive at all times no matter how hard the practice may be.  Our choice of words, and choice of actions are what the students live with everyday.   They don’t just hear or see these choices we make; they also experience them; and most importantly, it stays with them.  That’s why if as teachers, we strive to see the best in our students, our students may also choose to see the best in others so that these others may eventually make small drops of  buoyancy that create such ripple effect.

Now, as I aspire to be a part of the community that celebrates making a difference as one of its pillars, I agree that it’ll only be possible to make a difference if I know that “Negativity is not an option.” – or much better put, “Positivity is the only choice.”  The glass is half-full. J

 

 

 

First Day High: MI Lens: A Fresh Journey, A Fresh Perspective

I have had the privilege of listening to Ms. Joy Abaquin, the founding directress of Multiple-Intelligence International School during our first day of Faculty Training today Monday, May 2. I just have to say that the ambiance in MI campus is quite different from most campuses that I’ve visited. First thing I admired was how polite the guard and the crew were to absolutely everybody; second, the kind staff inside the administration office who were so eager to attend to absolutely anybody who enters it; third, the enthusiasm of Ms. Joy to share this fresh concept; and last but not the least, the rest of the faculty and staff-to-be who are now all starting their journey with MI and are ready to make a difference in this profession.

Today’s journey began with some icebreakers that really broke the ice amongst the new members of the team. It was always so much fun to see how people of different backgrounds and personalities unite to change their perspective not just in teaching but also in their personal lives to eventually positively affect the lives of students. I think one of the most exciting parts of the journey of being with MI is they don’t just teach the theories they teach you in education school, they actually practice them. And when I say practice them – they really do. They are true to the core essence of what education is and should be about. Gone were the days when children were branded as low IQ or high IQ merely based on their test-taking survival. Present though, is MI’s belief that each individual has different gifts and that a child is not merely his or her IQ. Each child has his or her own strength and MI acknowledges that without making them feel a less better person just because they are weak on other aspects of their studies. Moreover, they sincerely and truly help students improve their performance with a concrete, step-by-step, procedure they share to each teacher so that each faculty member may be better equipped with skills to handle challenging situations the MI way. This is only my first day of training and I can’t wait to learn more about the culture of MI.

While I was at a crossroad of choosing a school where I want to work in, often, I would ask myself during my visits to these schools whether I would enroll my child, or let’s say my niece or nephew to such academe. I answered yes to MI. And I hope that more students and parents hear about this school. If it’s a cliché to say that the youth is the hope of tomorrow, MI doesn’t think so. If I can sum it up, I would say that MI students are a part of such hope for a better tomorrow – hope that we have so desperately want to believe to exist. And here in one corner of the Philippines exists a learning environment that I am very proud to be a part of. After today’s training, I can only envision this - that we, MI teachers do the best we can to make that hope sparkle even more. In a popular story that Ms. Abaquin shared us, there are only three kinds of brick layers – a brick layer who knows he lays brick; a brick layer who sees as far as building walls; and a brick layer who believes he’s building a cathedral. In New Era University, while I was taking up Education Units, I was reminded by one of my professors (Dr. Ledesma, thank you!) that teachers are nation builders. I realize now how importance it is to be a teacher with this kind of perspective before embarking on a new journey. Now I’m starting to see thru MI lens. If it were a pair of eyeglasses, I’ll lend it to you. You should try it. It’ll take some adjustment but once you’re adjusted to it, you’ll probably see the world a much better place and your students, much better persons. That’s what I intend to do. I’m wearing the lens starting today.

Who Am I?

The Name

June Canicosa Hebrew – that’s my full name.  It’s June because that’s my birth month; Canicosa being my mom’s maiden family name; and Hebrew because…  well, I’m not exactly sure.  One thing I knew – I grew up liking the reaction of the people who heard my surname.  They would often say that it was cool and unique.  Some would even ask where I was from or my family from originally.  When I was in grade one, my teacher, Mrs. Matulac asked me where I was from when she noticed my surname.  I didn’t know so I simply replied, “From my dad!”  She gave a sweet smile as if trying to tell herself “Of course, what question was that?”  I smiled back at her and she just led me to my seat.  Later that day, when I got home, I asked my mom why our surname is Hebrew.  She just told me that my dad was an Israeli and that my dad’s dad, my grandpa, was of a Bumbay (Arabian) descent.  When the first grading period PTA conference came, my mom went to school to get my report card.  My teacher asked the same thing to her and she replied the same.  From then on, whenever people asked me about my family name, I’d tell them exactly what I heard from my mom.  As I tell them my family name, I noticed that somehow I was more likeable.  My surname sounded foreign and I accepted delight when people would take interest in it.  I’d tell them my mom’s exact words, “My dad’s an Israeli.  My grandpa on my dad’s side is Arab.”  I had big round eyes; thick eyebrows and eyelashes then that resembled the facial features of a Middle-Eastern.  So people believed me.  I believed myself too.  I didn’t know the truth.  One weekend lunch, I went to my Uncle Carlos’ house with my brother Ace.  We would hang out there sometimes because my uncle was fond of digging camote and we helped him out.  We would bring the crops home and boil it and eat it with sugar.  One day we went there and I noticed his faded uniform patched with the word Ebreo on its chest.  I didn’t think it was important.  Time passed and each school year, and each opportunity I was asked regarding my surname, I told people the same thing – Israeli and Arab.  That was it – so etched in my mind.  I grew up telling the same thing to everyone – although, inside me, I had doubts.  I had doubts because I kept remembering Ebreo from my uncle’s fatigue uniform.  It couldn’t have been a coincidence that our family names sound similar from each other. And so, my family name dilemma started.  If my dad’s Israeli because he’s a Hebrew, does it mean that my relatives are the Filipino version of Israelis?  It didn’t make sense.   Does it mean that if your surname is the English translation of your relatives’ family name, it makes you foreign?  I kept asking these questions to myself.  One afternoon, after school, I was talking to my tito Carlos under the star apple tree in our yard and I asked him why his surname was in Filipino and ours, in English.  He brushed off the question and talked about how he’d give me a star apple from our tree instead.  I felt that he didn’t want to answer the question.  I never attempted to ask him again.  I still couldn’t connect the dots.  And during one of those lazy afternoon moments, my mom told me stories.  I found out from her story that Papang (that was how we called my grandfather on my dad’s side) was my dad’s step dad.  My mom still didn’t tell me why our surname is Hebrew.  What a great coincidence that my biological grandpa’s family name is similar to my step grandpa’s family name!   I thought to myself.  I knew that there was something else.

Earlier I wrote how hard it is to define your purpose without first knowing yourself, where you’re from, and where your home is.  Now, I’m on that journey to discover my roots more.  I’ve started with my name that has a rich history that goes along with.  I also think of my family more and more often and unfortunately, the first thing that pops in my mind is always how hard it has been for us surviving as one.  As I was forced to reexamine and reflect on my existence, I’ve looked in different directions for answer but there’s one thing that holds true – my family is my very root.  To answer the question “Who am I?” I need to carefully examine my family and the different factors of my past that could’ve contributed to my being me today. 

First, my family name – the very basic identifying factor of the smallest unit of the community – unfortunately, needs in itself a process of identifying.  Failure to identify this can make you question which part of your life is real and which part is a lie.  Name is a very basic human need.  It makes you find yourself and develop your identity in your home, school, work, and whenever you hear it, you respond.  Family name is the same, others identify your family’s geographical origin through it, not to mention your ethnicity.  Practically, you get your family name from your dad and your dad’s dad and the list of previous dads go on.  Your mom and dad tell you who your grandparents are and you just seem to feel naturally that you belong and that the cosmos automatically identifies your place in the universe as Juan, with de la Cruz as your family name.  You develop that sense of pride that you are Juan de la Cruz, a Filipino with the Spanish heritage of the Cruz’s.  It would be so easy to trace back your history with a name.   That hadn’t been the case for me.  I grew up having this confusion at the back of my head questioning what was real and what wasn’t.

And so I took the liberty of voicing out the whispers in my head.  Who am I?  What’s my name?  Where am I from?  The search for answers wasn’t easy.  This subject just seemed inherently a forbidden if not a merely awkward topic to talk about at home.  I didn’t hear anybody in our family who talked about it openly.  Until now, we just smile at the thought that other people think our surname is cool.  As I took the liberty of answering the voices in my head, I also realized that we could be put in a vulnerable position but I also thought that knowing is enough prize.  It would be like releasing a bird from the cage.  It would finally mean some sort of freedom.  I carefully traced back my steps from where I stand now.  In a conversation I had with my mom when I was around 6 years old, I found out that my dad grew up without knowing his biological father in person.  Whether he knew who his father was, I’m not sure about.  One thing I know though is that he too grew up without knowing what his surname is.  My dad and I have a similarity because we both don’t know what our real surname is.  If given a chance, I would look for his biological family and find out the truth.  I believe that they are around somewhere and I think that my dad would like to know them if they’re reachable.  I sure would like to know if they ever existed.  But right now, I don’t know where to start looking for them.  It has been more than sixty years since dad was born and I don’t know how to trace to that far back.  However, this is what I know now – obviously, I know that he chose Hebrew because it’s close to Ebreo (this one’s a given).    He didn’t want to carry Ebreo because it wasn’t his but he can own Hebrew.  He can make it his own.  It’s close enough to but not too far from the family that he knows.  He was somewhere in between.  So there, mystery solved.  Hebrew is simply the close translation of Ebreo.  I have known for quite some time but it’s always easier to shrug my shoulders and let people be led on to whatever they want to believe.  Most people encourage me to study my lineage because I might be able to trace it to the Jews that God so loved then.  That having been said and since I have this surname and I don’t have plans of changing it (although it crossed my mind), on a deeper perspective, this is what I want to believe in and hope for that my surname has in store for its bearer – that its bearer would gain benefits and privileges that God had extended His first people, the Hebrews.  I hope that despite all our weaknesses that we live with but one strength, my dad’s strength, his in Him – this very faith that he so well imparted in us when my brothers and I were growing as children; this very faith that we shall be eternally grateful for; the characteristics of the Hebrews that descended from Abraham, God’s servant.  And for this, I shall keep this surname and be God’s servant.  And each time I write, hear, read and see my name I’ll be reminded that my dad toiled to keep his family in faith just like how the old Hebrew patriarchs toiled to take care of God’s sheep.  This, I will hold on to.  This, I will live by with.  When people ask me about my surname, I need not tell them the whole story.  I just need to tell them that it’s my dad’s and he gave it to his growing family.  I know that there’ll be a lot of people who’ll ask me about my surname, I guess I’ll just tell them, “It is a long story.  And maybe if you sit down with me over a cup of coffee, I’ll tell you more about it.” 

 

 

 

What Am I Here For?

Purpose is what I am here for.  What that is, that’s the question.  I have grown to believe that I can do whatever I put my mind into but that hasn’t always been the case.  All I have were ideals but I lack the technical know-how.   I am a typical left-handed person who doesn’t use his left-brain to know how to work around deadlines.  My right brain is so dominant that I know how to create in my mind actions and imagine the outcome but it lacks a little push on the left side to make my hands work and actually concretize such creation and outcome.  I am filled with concepts, and abstractions.  I can easily infer good insights from almost anything but I have a hard time making them real.   “To learn and not to do is really not to learn. “  I have learned a lot.  In my head, I know myself that I can apply them.  My mind would wander entertaining tasks that I should be doing but my strength was mostly coming from my right brain and it’s hard to put my left-brain to work.  I’m trying now.  Despite my childhood, I have a pretty high self-esteem. 

I was a sucker for praises and approval as a young child but I mostly got them from other people.  That was why it would make me smile whenever my mom praised me and told me what a talented boy I was.  I knew how to sing at an early age.  At four years old, my mom put me onstage so she could win some gift pack during a socializing event and I was the last one dancing.  The crowd loved me and they cheered for me and so my mom wasn’t disappointed that she got her gift pack.  My teacher in nursery only taught me the alphabet once and I had memorized it.  She also taught me how to count one to ten but I was able to count one to one hundred out of my own initiative to learn.  She taught me how to sing a song once, and I got it right away.  I thought that I was her favorite.  She was my favorite too even if I didn’t know how to read then.  I only got to spend two-days in nursery then my mom sent me to Cabanatuan.  From nursery, they enrolled me straight to grade one.  I was the only one who didn’t know how to read.  But I was intelligent.  My aunt only spent one afternoon teaching me how to read and I got it right away.  I would then read all the komiks around the house that my lola bought for her to read in her spare time.  My teacher in grade one only taught me once how to syllabicate Filipino words and I got it right away, too.  I was never taught how to read English.  My Tatay (grandfather, my mom’s side) asked me to read the heading on the cover of a comic book that said “Holiday” and I read it in Filipino, I said, “HO-LI-DA-AY” and he laughed at me and told me “HA-LI-DEY”.  I realized that the English words were different from Filipino words and that they should be read differently as well.  I then knew that I should be on the watch-out for English and Filipino words and be careful not to misread them.  It was that simple.  I learned English and it was my second language but I mastered it better than most people my age that time.   My formative years were confusing for me though.  I went back and forth to my grandparents’, my aunt’s, back to my parents’ house and the cycle just went on and on.  Although I kept bouncing from one place to another, I knew that my parents’ house was where I should really be.  But whenever I would stay at my parents’, they would always manage to hurt me and disappoint me and so I would wish I was with my aunt or grandparents instead.  But when I was with my aunt or grandparents, I would miss my parents so I would want to go home and so again, the cycle goes on.  I drifted from one place to another, no direction.  No single place that I could call home but my imagination.  I would create in my head my own world.  This world changed from time to time whenever it helped alleviate the fear, the pain, I was experiencing each time.  And so my world was never fixed.  It was adapting to me instead of me adapting to it.  For me it was real up to the point that I couldn’t distinguish anymore which was fantasy and which was real.  My only distinguishing characteristic was if it felt bad, it was real and if it felt good and nice, it wasn’t real.  True enough that when I was growing up, yes, I wanted to win approval from a lot of people.  I was an approval-whore.  I wanted to be the best in all my subjects (although, this didn’t happen always).  Whenever I heard the other teachers told about how good other students were, I would want to fill that student’s shoe because I wanted the same approval.  Suffice to say, subconsciously, I carried it in me until today.  And I need to put it to stop.

Reconciling the pieces of myself was harder than I expected.  I thought I was strong.  I thought that I had no breaking point.  I thought that I could make myself invincible.  But I wasn’t any longer when suddenly my world stopped moving and I was forced to question the purpose of my existence - to question my place in this world.  I just had to stop doing and question my way of living.  At many points in my life, I thought that I had found what I wanted.  First, when I worked for ABS-CBN.  It was prestigious working there but not the payroll for sure.  I wanted more money and so I resigned and got a job at a new company.  I got more money but I was happier at ABS-CBN.  I went back to ABS-CBN.  Then I resigned again because I wanted more money.  But I was happier with what I was doing at ABS-CBN, still.  And so I resigned and went back to ABS.  Guess what?  I resigned again.  I didn’t know why.  I couldn’t remember why.  I resigned to be in the theatre.  So that was what I did for a while.  I also taught workshops in a talent agency.  Then I became a mad-scientist.  I did that too, for a while with my theatre projects.  I fell in-love with the theatre and I decided to take my MA in Theatre Arts at PNU but they required education units.  I lasted taking education units for a semester and then I stopped since I told myself that I should just take it in UP where there wasn’t any prerequisite and there I went – I took a semester of MA in Theatre Arts in UP but I didn’t finish it.  So far, the list of my life is just a long list of unfinished businesses.  Until finally, I got involved with events people and they liked my work on a consultancy basis.  So I pursued it.  I was doing theatre, I was a mad-scientist, I was doing events too until I finally decided to work full-time for a company but then things got complicated (that’s another story), so I resigned. I formed my own company to compete with them.  I was (still am too) a theatre actor, a mad-scientist, a workshop instructor and an entrepreneur.  I loved being a theatre actor but it made me question my future with that kind of profession particularly if I wanted to help my family and be financially stable.  I loved being a mad-scientist but I questioned the genuineness of the leadership in the organization.  I liked being an entrepreneur.  It might have given me headaches but I wanted to pursue it because of money but it wasn’t easy worrying about its capitalization.  Until finally, I realized that there was only one constant in all of them that I never stopped loving – teaching.  It led me to continuing my education units’ studies, which I just recently did and finished too.  As a theatre actor, I got to teach my co-actors and give them advices regarding their technique.  As a mad scientist, I got to teach students in different schools.  As a workshop instructor, obviously, I got to teach again but this time with a wider range of age group – literally from three years old to sixty years old.  As an entrepreneur, I got to teach my co-workers about how an event should be planned, organized, executed, and evaluated.  Teaching and sharing what I know to people gave me a deep sense of satisfaction.  The idea that people were listening to me made me feel that I somehow belonged.  I was never really listened to inside my family.  So I guess teaching was my one way of filling that void.  People listened to me and I mattered.

Motives and desires are important to identify what you really want to do and why you really want to do it.  Tracing back from my childhood to understand my psyche more helps me understand why I do things and why I make certain choices.  It wouldn’t matter to some people really.  Some people would just probably think that it’s psychobabble and that what would really matter is just to look and move forward.  For me though, how do you really move forward without really knowing where you come from?  Or what are you moving forward from?  Some would say to just accept what ever it is right now and go with the flow.  But then again, how would you accept something if you don’t know what it is?  How do you go with the flow if you don’t know what your vessel is?  Often times we are presented with gifts and we hope that when open that gift we’d like what’s inside it. But when we’ve opened it and found out that it wasn’t really what we expected, we get disappointed.  But in time, we grow fonder of that gift and then we learn to like it.  We learn to genuinely accept it despite its flaws.  I think as humans, we try to shake off whatever flaws we have or what flaws others may perceive we have.  We try to blend in and fit in to become that social image our society expects us to be.  So in the process of trimming ourselves, or accessorizing ourselves with the demands of the society, we whittle away, or we become so patched up, we’re near to becoming somebody else, or worse, we hardly become recognizable even to ourselves.

Now in my quest of examining my motives and desires, I have found out that some of them weren’t properly founded on proper motives.  I have desired all along the wrong things such as approval, and acceptance.  I didn’t even know that it was what was driving me all along.  I am just glad that it’s clearer to me now.  It is clear to me that I didn’t have a center, an inner compass that would guide me properly.  I found out that I jumped from one place to another without full awareness of why I jumped so.  I, too, was in a hurry to be successful.  As the youngest in the family and the foreseen breadwinner, there was a lot of pressure in my back and in my shoulders.  I hurried to get to sail to another part of the ocean but I didn’t understand the sailor, much less the sail and the boat and I was lost.  Not to mention, I forgot my compass and I just let the wind blew me in different directions. 

But now, I’m sailing back home.  And I know that in time, I’ll get there.  I just need to find pieces of myself along the way back to become whole when I get there hoping that when I sail back again, I’m whole and I have His compass.