“You guys are so lazy.” “You’re always dilly-dallying that’s why you’re not accomplishing anything.” At the risk of sounding negative even though I’m writing about the power of positive paradigm in communication and discipline, I took the courage of quoting some of the teachers I’ve worked with in other schools to cite a common example of how paradigms can be negative and destructive. However, I regret that despite I knew that we shouldn’t brand students negatively; I wasn’t able to call their attention to their actions and its repercussions. Whenever I hear them give such a sermon, my mind just automatically flashes back to my own experience.
In elementary, I was sent out of my classroom for not being able to do my assignment in Mathematics. My math teacher threateningly asked me, “Where is your assignment?” and I sadly replied, “I didn’t do it teacher…” He asked why and I said, “My mom’s lola died. We were busy and…” Before I was even able to finish my sentence, I already heard him shouting at me, “Get out! I don’t need you in my class! Get out!” I wasn’t able to stand up right away because I wanted to finish telling him why I wasn’t able to do my assignment with the hope that maybe he’d show some mercy. But no, he didn’t give me a chance. I silently walked out of the room and went to the library.
As I’m currently pursuing a career in teaching, I am forced to reflect with my previous experiences as a student when I was a child so that I may avoid negative paradigms and practices my teachers have exhibited in the classroom. It is in our training today that I get to reflect on my past experiences as a child student. I was also able to appreciate the power of disciplining thru sending positive messages in a deeper perspective as we role-play in a practical positive communication skills exercises. Two words - positive communication – that’s what mostly instilling discipline is all about. With this new lens that I’m wearing, I’m starting to see and hear things differently. I’m starting to study the effect of every word I say and I question whether the message I’m sending promotes positivity and is directed to eliciting an appropriate attitude. I have then realized the power of words that we utter not only to its receiver but for its sender as well. Looking back at my experience in math class, I wonder how, if I were my math teacher, would I have been able to handle it without humiliating, omitting, and sending a student out. I tried wearing the non-judgmental and positive hat and this is what I’ve come up with: I would’ve asked my student politely why he didn’t have an assignment and maybe I would’ve found out that the student’s mom’s grandmother had just died and his family attended the funeral and went to the interment. I would’ve realized that members of the student’s family could’ve been busy that time that was why they weren’t able to assist the child in his assignment. As his teacher, I would have probably said, “I’m sorry for your loss. How are you and your mom? It must be hard for her. Now, I’m sure that you want to catch up with the lesson. I promise I’ll help you out later.” I could’ve even called his family and express my condolences and talk about how well their little boy solved some extra problems I gave. With that, I would’ve sent the right message to the boy and build bridges with the family. I would’ve felt better about myself for being a good teacher and choosing to respond positively. Yes, that’s how I wished my math teacher had viewed the circumstances. (In my to do list, I'll write him a letter about it. Of course, it's been ages but I'm a little curious about what his response would be.)
As teachers, we have the responsibility to stay positive at all times no matter how hard the practice may be. Our choice of words, and choice of actions are what the students live with everyday. They don’t just hear or see these choices we make; they also experience them; and most importantly, it stays with them. That’s why if as teachers, we strive to see the best in our students, our students may also choose to see the best in others so that these others may eventually make small drops of buoyancy that create such ripple effect.
Now, as I aspire to be a part of the community that celebrates making a difference as one of its pillars, I agree that it’ll only be possible to make a difference if I know that “Negativity is not an option.” – or much better put, “Positivity is the only choice.” The glass is half-full. J
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