The Other Side of the Optimist (Part 2)

This habit poses a challenge to us in our dealings with people who have low tolerance of negativity.  Their tendency is to suppress anxiety and maintain a positive self-image of themselves or their surroundings.  This lens allows them to maintain their balance at the expense of not acknowledging reality.  If practiced for a long time, the habit of self-deception slowly clouds one's judgment.  While Freud understood self-deception as a kind of protection mechanism and sometimes a false sense of security that self-deception creates contribute to psychological health, this defense mechanism could also lead to being delusional.  Once delusional, people who may have acquired this kind of practice, to preserve their optimism, may refuse to see the reality.  This poses another challenge because the first step to real positivism is the ability to acknowledge the reality of the situation, no matter how negative it could be.  Only when this conflict is recognized can real positivity start taking place.  Feldman found out that researchers studying depression have found that clinically depressed people often have surprisingly accurate views of themselves - a phenomenon known as depressive realism.  People suffering from depression make better assessments than nondepressed people about their control over events, their role in effective positive outcomes, their good qualities, and their shortcomings.  Their perceptions are not irrationally pessimistic. On the contrary, they are unusually clear-eyed.[1]  This is not to say, however, that one needs to be depressed to clearly see one's self or surrounding.    However to those who refuse to see reality, they are consistently in the stage of denial and they bury in their unconscious guilt and fears that might threaten their ego and this could lead to mental imbalance.

While self-deception can help preserve our optimism, the bigger challenge is how to realize we are falling victims to self-deceptive optimism.  What are the indications that we could be deluding ourselves?  How does delusional positivism affect our relationship with others?  How can we face the negativity around us and still be able to maintain a positive disposition?  And most importantly, how can we balance what is real and what is positive?  These are just some of the many questions that posit an individual in the middle of optimism and pessimism.  Thus, it is through these issues that this writing discusses the other side of the optimist.

Self-Deceptive Optimism

How do we know we are falling victims to our own self-deceptive optimism?  Unfortunately, we usually don't.  In the book, You are Not so Smart by David McRaney (a book that will make you smarter, by the way - a MUST read!), our different cognitive biases are discussed.  He wrote in his book that we have a deep desire to be right all of the time and a deeper desire to see ourselves in a positive light both morally and behaviorally.  We can stretch our mind pretty far to achieve these goals.[2]  Cognitive biases, according to McRaney, are predictable patterns of thought and behavior that lead us to draw incorrect conclusions.  He further wrote: 

            "You and everyone else come into the world preloaded with these pesky and completely wrong ways of seeing things, and you rarely notice them. Many of them serve to keep you confident in your own perceptions or to inhibit you from seeing yourself as a buffoon.  The maintenance of a positive self-image seems to be so important to the human mind you have evolved mental mechanisms designed to make you feel awesome about yourself.  Cognitive biases lead to poor choices, bad judgments, and wacky insights that are often totally incorrect."

According to him, most people believe that their opinions are the result of years of rational, objective analysis.  The truth, however, according to him is that their opinions are the result of years of paying attention to information that confirmed what you believed while ignoring the information that challenged their preconceived notions.[3]  This is what we call confirmation bias - you want to be right about how you see the world, so you seek out information that confirms your beliefs and avoid contradictory evidence and opinions.[4]  Our confirmation bias bends toward our looking for validation. 

Most believers of positivism whose tolerance for anxiety is low often fall victim into self-deception through this bias so that they could maintain their positive view of themselves and the world.  This often compromises the truthfulness of their words and along the process, unfortunately, the integrity of their relationship with other people.

(To be continued.)

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[1] Ibid.

[2] McRaney, You are Not so Smart

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid. 

The Other Side of the Optimist (Part 1)

According to Covey, almost all the literature in the first 150 years are so focused on what could be called the Character Ethicas the foundation of success - things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty and the Golden Rule.  The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.  But shortly after World War I, the basic view of success shifted from the Character Ethic to what we might call the Personality Ethic.  Success became more a function of personality, or public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction.  This Personality Ethic essentially took two paths; one was human and public relations techniques (or PR), and the other was positive mental attitude (PMA).  Some of this philosophy was expressed in inspiring and sometimes-valid maxims such as "Your attitude determines your altitude," "Smiling wins more friends than frowning," and "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve."

Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to face interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted, or to use the "power look," or intimidate their way through life.

Some of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success, but tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational and catalytic.  Reference to Character Ethic became mostly lip service; the basic thrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies, communication skills, and positive attitude.[1]  Thus, these practices overshadowed a lot of professionals who overlooked the importance of character over personality.  It is mainly because of these too many quick fixes that men who almost always choose to look at the positive side of life, without knowing it, are made weaker by refusing to acknowledge the other side of the coin.  It is through this premise that this short research work is borne.  It aims to give insight at how the two paths of Personality Ethic - public relations and positive psychology, while helpful at times, may be detrimental some other times.  And it is my hope to expose us to some of the cognitive biases that hamper our growth and to discuss the way our minds work in relation to these biases.

Cognitive Dissonance and Self-Deception

Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP is one of the proponents of positive mental attitude or PMA and positive communication (whether internally or externally).  It presupposes that to let go of negative feelings, we have to alter the way we look at a situation and focus on its bright side.  Some NLP books even suggest that where another person's response or behavior surprises you, or irritates you, or leaves you puzzled, you can (1) count all the blessings in your life; (2) put on your most generous hat; (3) consider the other person's point of view.  This process, according to some NLP books, can help you become happier, and become more accepting of people and their idiosyncrasies with greater ease.  Propositions such as, "there is no failure, only feedback", "having a choice is better than not having a choice" are often used to help some people deal with their own anxiety.  This positive psychology often suggests even the use of positive words as much as possible to attract positivity.  It also presupposes that the unconscious mind can't process negatives (Don't think of an elephant!).  It therefore directs the use of more active and engaging words as a developing habit in daily communication.  This practice has been helpful to many people around the world and undeniably has become one of the most common tools in counseling and personality development. 

It is not within the purview of this paper to talk about the advantages and the disadvantages of NLP.  However, on the other hand, this paper aims to expose how the overuse of such practice can serve to the disadvantage of one's being.  Failure to at least acknowledge the existence of a negative feeling or to try to deal with anxiety can also harm our mental health.  Some people with low tolerance for anxiety and negativity may, unaware, use positivism to deceive themselves or even others.  This unawareness can lead to the habit of self-deception.  According to Feldman in his book, The Liar in Your Life, specifically, it (self-deception) helped validate a psychological theory that has remained essential for over fifty years: cognitive dissonance.  Cognitive dissonance is one of the key elements to understanding the mechanics of self-deception.

"Cognitive dissonance" is the term psychologists use for the tension that arises from holding two contradictory ideas in the mind simultaneously.  For example, a man with high cholesterol might know "I need to avoid red meat" but at the same time be faced with the contradictory fact "I am eating a T-bone steak."  The conflict between these two ideas, or cognitions, as pychologists refer to them, creates the mental discomfort labeled dissonance.

According to cognitive dissonance theory, in order to resolve the dissonance the mind, consciously or unconsciously, alters one of the two competing ideas.  The man with high cholesterol eating the stake might decide that he eats so little red meat that the steak shouldn't count; or he might conclude that the evidence linking red meat to high cholesterol really isn't so convincing; or he might add a new idea that helps ease the tension, such as "After this meal, I will never eat red meat again."  These are the kinds of rationalizations and conditions we all employ when we're doing something we know we probably shouldn't be.[2]This same rationalization may be used when we are trying to make something positive out of a negative situation.  Only in this case, a person with low tolerance with a negative situation may convince himself or herself by little positive delusions of grandeur to suppress anxiety.  For instance, if you are a student who is failing your subject, your mind may automatically convince you that all that's needed to be done is to look positively at the areas of your grades with better standing.  This self-deceptive optimism can lead you to believe that you will pass your subject.  Instead of leading you to verifying the aspects of your grades that need improvement, your mind automatically justifies your situation because it may not be ready to find out the truth about your failing grade.  Your mind helps you to suppress the anxiety that you may not be ready to deal with.  This kind of positivism is a form of self-justification that allows you to retain such positive self-image.  According to Feldman, psychologists and researchers have found this need to protect one's self-image to be an extremely powerful force in shaping our perceptions of the world.  Only, the danger is when positivism clouds reality.  When positivism clouds reality, we have what we call self-deceptive optimism.  It is when we give less attention to criticism than to praise.  Feldman asserted that psychologists call this phenomenon selective exposure.  He added that we seek to minimize our exposure to, and even avoid altogether, information that contradicts what we think - particularly what we think about ourselves and we avoid information that challenges us and embrace that which reinforces us.[3]

Unfortunately, the habit of self-deception is practiced by all of us - knowingly or unknowingly.  Feldman also narrated the memoirs of Scott McClellan who worked as the press secretary in the George W. Bush White House for close to three years.  In 2008, McClellan published a memoir recounting his work for Bush.  Titled, What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington's Culture of Deception, the book was less than flattering.  In it, McClellan asserts that President Bush was a victim (or practitioner, depending on one's perspective) of self-deception.  McClellan writes, "As I worked closely with President Bush, I would come to believe that sometimes he convinces himself to believe what suits his needs at the moment."  McClellan describes how the president's tendency to bend the truth in his own mind had costs for his policy toward Iraq and for the administration generally.  For powerful leaders, Feldman added, the necessity of maintaining an aura of strength and competence can make it difficult to accept policy failure and mistakes.  It goes back to the issue of cognitive dissonance.  Powerful people can have difficulty reconciling their faith in their abilities with the fact of their errors and evidence of failure is viewed as an anomaly in a larger picture of success (or positivism); disagreement is regarded not as reasonable but as mulish partisan resistance.[4]

(To be continued...)

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[1] Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

[2] Feldman, The Liar in Your Life

[3] Feldman, The Liar in Your Life

[4] Feldman, The Liar in Your Life

"Why Sentence Diagramming? WHY?"

Sentence diagramming has always been an interesting topic to me.  Unfortunately, many students do not like the idea of putting into different lines and shapes the words of a sentence.  Most often, whenever I start a lesson and students see the lines on the whiteboard, the reaction I get from them is "What?" or "Oh no!" or "What is that?" and the funniest would be, "Oh my GASH!" (Yes, with an "AH").  These students often ask me questions such as, "What is this for?" or "Why are we doing this?" or "Are we going to use it in college?" and the most important question is, "How can we use it in real life?"  I also interestingly watch the reaction of many of my students in dismay as they frown, gasp, and even murmur words of desperation as they practice during our drills in class and write with their whiteboard markers on their unison board.  On the other hand, there are also students who find it interesting.  I see their eyes light up as if a light bulb has been switched on whenever they get the correct answer or whenever they learn of the correct answer.

Unknown to many of them, it is through sentence diagramming that I gauge my students' ability to think critically.  (Critical thinking is also the top 1 in the 8 of most necessary and useful skills for students and professionals in the 21st century.)  It is through this topic that I identify students who are word-sharp.  (I don't expect all of them to possess the same sharpness but I expect them to strive hard to be sharp.)  It is through this nitty-gritty process of identifying word function and word relationship that I get to know students who will later on have problems with grammar and composition.  They may not know it yet but they are showing their part of me in the process - the part that is willing to put brains and senses to work; the part that is willing to focus on each word or even phrases and identify (as in really, specifically identify) whether the word or the phrase in the sentence is accurate or requiring revision or syntactically correct; and the part that shows that their minds are willing to be disciplined and willing to be cracked only to be rebuilt again.  (No pain, no gain.)  It is also through this process that I introduce my students to deconstruction - a method of critical analysis of philosophical and literary language that emphasizes the internal workings of language and conceptual systems, the relational quality of meaning, and the assumptions implicit in forms of expression. (Apple dictionary)  Lastly, this culminates all the grammar lessons into one because a student will not be able to diagram more complex sentences without first understanding the workings of grammar.  Not to mention that if students want to pursue a career in writing, sentence diagramming can help by forcing them to think in active SV pattern, which is more appropriate for writing, rather than the passive one, which is more appropriate for speaking.

Sentence diagramming, just like any art, requires an intricate touch brought about by meticulous thinking that becomes a habit through practice.  Just like how Picasso strokes his brush, students can bring mere words into life simply by using their pencil and sketchpad.  They draw a straight line to create the base.  They make sure it is stable so the words can stay on it.  They draw a vertical line across the base to separate the subject from a verb and cut the line before a direct object; and they bend a little before a complement.  And just like any child, they can slide down to modify or to continue running on the ground to make a prepositional phrase.  And just like any athlete training in an obstacle course, they sure know how to jump to the high chair if we are talking about noun clauses; they also know how to use the rope to go down for adjective clauses; they climb to the topmost part of the chair to reach for the noun acting as a direct object.  And lastly, they know how to smile even if their hands are dirty because of paint, or their clothes are soiled because of sliding, or their shirts are sweaty because of too much exercise - only this time they paint the words, they soil their paper and they exercise their minds.

Teaching as an Art Form

After an event that I directed, I had an interesting conversation with Judah Paolo, and Josh and Danielle, two radio DJ's, in the backstage.  While the staff, the artists, and guests were congratulating each other for the success of the event, I joined the three of them in their post-event snack to tell them what a great job they had done and that I looked forward to working with them again.  During our short banter, I told them that I was a teacher and that I enjoyed doing it.  I told them that I had never felt so fulfilled.  I added that for me, my experience in the corporate world before was nothing compared to teaching.  Judah asked me what the truth in my life was and I told him it was teaching.  He then asked me, "Is teaching a form of art?".  I answered both seriously and jokingly, "Well.  Yes, teaching is a form of art.  If art explores humanities, then art explores humans.  As a teacher, we get to explore students who are humans.  So yes, teaching is a form of art."   He also told me that there are two most fulfilling professions, being a priest and teaching.  I agreed.  No one can put a price on teaching.  Teaching is priceless.  It has rewards that are beyond measurable, beyond space, beyond time.

Days after our conversation, my mind explored the idea of art in relation to teaching - teaching as an art form.  I couldn't seem to get it off of my head.  I googled "teaching as an art form" and there were 40, 600 hits.  I read some of them and some of them were enlightening, some were flat out experience-based and so I said to myself that I would make another one slanting towards the basic definition of art and its scope in teaching.  I wish to share this to everyone most especially to my fellow teachers.  What seems to be a simple answer actually turns out to be a rather deep and fulfilling journey for the reconciliation of these two ideologies.

Art is most often understood to refer to painting, film, photography, sculpture, and other visual media.  Music, theatre, dance, literature, and interactive media are included in a broader definition of art or the arts.  Until the 17th century, art referred to any skill or mastery and was not differentiated from crafts or sciences, but in modern usage, the fine arts are distinguished from acquired skills in general. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art)

Naturally, art is a product of someone who is skilled in fine arts.  Thus, we call painting, film, photography, sculpture and other visual media arts.  Include to this, music, dance, literature, and interactive media that comprise the broader definition of art.  These genres of art must (of course) be created or produced by artists (or so they are called) so we may regard them as a fine form of art.

Many definitions of art have been proposed by philosophers and others who have characterized art in terms of mimesis, expression, communication of emotion, or other values.  (Ibid.)  Philosophers in the earlier times characterized art simply as a form of fine and rather polished expression and the skillful and the creative artists that we are should serve as the conduit of that expression.  But once again, we can't merely express.  We should be (I repeat) skillful and creative.  This skillfulness or creativity should lead to the related concept of philosophy known as aesthetics.

On the other hand, the humanities include ancient and modern languages, literature, history, philosophy, religion, and visual and performing arts such as music and theatre.  The humanities that are also regarded as social sciences include technology, history, anthropology, area studies, communication studies, cultural studies, law and linguistics. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanities.)  

Before we actually get overwhelmed with the wordplay Wikipedia quotes for us, let's just deduce that humanities actually encompass a broader scope than art does.  So, I stand corrected.  Humanities studies the arts.  And arts contribute information for the deeper understanding of humanities.  

What then does this premise have to do with teaching as a profession?

Teaching, as a vocation, has been defined by many as a calling, and most importantly (for me) - life's purpose, and a mission.  Just recently, I heard someone commented, "I don't believe that teaching is a calling.  I think people teach because of course they also want money."  I wanted to respond to it but since it wasn't being addressed to me, I withheld my thought.  I must say, however, that it bothered me as a teacher.  It bothered me because in a way, I felt that teachers who think that way could give this profession a bad name; this profession that so many teachers at heart take pride of even at their old age; this profession that so many teachers cherish that even if they are being asked to retire they still stay in the profession for the love of it - for the love of shaping young minds who will eventually become the carrier of the torch of the new generation.

(To be continued.)

The Filipino Expression in Retrospect

Earlier this morning, while I was browsing my FB account, I came across an interesting comment from an FB friend.  His comment asked whether the use of "po", "ma'am", and "sir" is good or bad for our culture.  He further asked in the same comment if such practice limits the ability of two people to interact with each other on equal footing.  Some of notable follow-up comments suggested that it would make for a sound research in sociolinguistics.  Some expressed their discomfort to be on the receiving end of such expression.  Of course, there was also the comment that some people impliedly require others to address the former accordingly making sure those "beneath" them never get up to eye level.  Another comment from the same person said that respect may also be shown by by being kind.  I then commented with my own observation.  To sum up, I ended up updating my FB status to "Respect is seeing how the other person sees it and doing how the other person prefers it done."

I would like to limit this short discussion to the use of the following Filipino expressions: use of

• "po" and "opo";
• "ma'am" and "sir"; and
• "ate" and "kuya"

Before I go to the present use of these expressions, allow me to trace their origin.  

Po and Opo

Po/ Opo is a sign of respect and we've been taught to say these expressions to the elderly.  Po is a contraction of the word "apo" (accented on the first syllable) so whenever we say "Ano po iyon" we are actually saying, "Ano, apo, iyon?"  The word apo means lord (in English) so saying po is a sign of submission and saying "Opo, panginoon" is redundancy (in the earlier times).  Opo is the shortened form of "Oo, apo."  Apo (also) basically was used by Filipinos especially in the preoccupation period when they referred to their kings and bosses. (http://forum.wordreference.com)  These expressions then evolved to its use to address our parents and other elderly since they were on top of the social hierarchy during the mentioned period.  Since language evolves with culture, naturally when our culture shifted, the use of po and opo followed the course.

Ma'am and Sir

Use of ma'am and sir differs even in some of the regions in the United States.  For instance, if you go to South Carolina, Southerners are adamant that use of these expressions shows good manners and respect when both adults and kids use it.  While Northerners can't bring themselves to say the words.  A grandmother who lives in Long Island, for example, told her grandkids not to say "Yes, Ma'am." or "No, Sir" as "it sounded subservient." (http://www.aquestforgoodmanners.com)  

Here in the Philippines, Filipinos when speaking in English may substitute po and opo with ma'am or sir.  A book about Basic Tagalog that I read suggested that since there is no direct translation of the words po and opo in English, the use of ma'am or sir is acceptable.  Just like po and opo, ma'am (which is the shorter form of madam, thus the use of apostrophe (') to replace the omitted "d") or sir (which is a variation of the original word "sire") was used to address the ones in the upper level of the social strata. 

Kuya and Ate

Originally, kuya and ate are terms used to address the older brother and sister, respectively.  Today, however, "kuya" and "ate" are used to address the workers of lower ranks.  It is interesting to note that in the household, workers of lower ranks are referred to as either a "maid" or "boy" (sometimes, they are called "angels").  When being addressed directly, they are either "yaya" or "yayo" (yes, such word exists).  The common household helpers are addressed as "kuya" and "ate".  This may also apply to the helpers in the workplace.  We, Filipinos, since politeness is in our blood, always come up with euphemisms to make sure our language is reflective of our respectful culture.

When to Use Them

In the present day, the use of these expressions vary from one micro-culture to another.  In our country, as diverse as it is, since we are a mixture of different races, we adopt different expressions as we see fit for the environment that we grew up in.  Naturally, our choice of language and decorum in our younger years is very much influenced by our family, and distant relatives, including our immediate society.  We then grow up believing that "our way is the way".  But as we grow and we become more open to change, we realize that language is a product of evolution; its meaning, its implication, its effect are but relative to the movement of one's culture.  Thus, we learn to adjust our vernacular together with our behavior to what may be acceptable at a given situation.  On the other hand, there are those who are stuck in believing that "their way is the best way".  This could have been due to the fact that some regard their practices as superior to others.  The best example of this is the influence that is Western.  History speaks of how the West helped other countries become more civilized and more democratic (according to their definition, of course).  While a lot of nations acknowledge the help Uncle Sam provided to the then oppressed, we couldn't also deny that their power has its undue influence which is ever present in the culture of us Asians.  The weak follows their lead blindfolded, the strong, on the other hand, hold on to what is left of their heritage.  Thus, in some of our neighboring countries such as China, Japan, Malaysia, Thailand, and even Vietnam, culture is priced in high-esteem.  There was a time when China was just a "sleeping giant".  Now, they have awakened and the international community feels its stomp when for some time the economy of the United States needed the shake.  There was a time when Japan closed its nation for about 20 years right after its humiliation from Hiroshima bombing.  Let us take a look at Japan right now, they value their culture and their traditions and we (Filipinos) bystanders look in awe.  Malaysia, Thailand, and Vietnam are in the roster of the top economic players among the SEA nations while our country, our beloved Philippines, is in the roll of the lowest 5 countries.  The big difference actually may lie in how culture and tradition are given importance in these top countries as opposed to how our culture is weakened because of too much Westernization.  While the rest of the SEA nations do their best to stand on the shoulders of their elders, we try to break away from it.  We, Filipinos, cannot be blamed though because, seriously, whose shoulders should we stand on?  Are they the shoulders of the Malays, Chinese, Spaniards, Japanese, Americans and then Japanese and then Americans again?  Where do we get then our sense of identity?  Colonization has too high a price to pay not for our colonizers but for us.  

On the other side of the coin, we Filipinos have a colorful, rich, and diverse culture that just needs unification.  The first step is of course, to acknowledge its diversity.  From acknowledgment of its diversity, we may then learn to respect its diverse nature.  We may then see it under the spectrum of colorful rays that refract through a prism.  We may then define our culture to be an intricate web of inextricable rich strings that need no definition.  Because after all, that is what makes us unique as a Filipino nation.  Travel the Philippines, they say, and you've traveled around the world - from the West to Europe to Asia back to its heart, the Philippines.

Case in point: more than the use of these expressions, this article is about respect.  Respect is relative.  Respect evolves.  But what should not be forsaken is the respect to our culture and tradition.  Let us take pride that we use "po" and "opo" and make the Westerners (or other foreigners) realize that this is the Filipino way and since they are in our country, we would appreciate it if they do the same (I really appreciate foreigner friends who do their best to pronounce it without the semivowel "w" at the end of po - not to me but to some of the people they have just newly met).  And since ma'am and sir have become an inevitable part of our polite expressions, let us use them appropriately with due considerations.  Kuya and ate?  Sure, why not?  Words evolve as language does.  Maybe this time, it's time for the ate's and kuya's.  Po and opo from our forefathers, ma'am and sir from the west, kuya and ate, well, they said these words are Cantonese in origin, so Chinese?  Whatever the case, let's embrace it.

Now, it all boils down to this - there is no single correct way of showing respect.  Just like my comment, "It's very much a characteristic of Filipino culture to address the people who are deemed to be in position with "ma'am" or "sir". Equally true is when Filipinos use "po" and "opo". However, it's true that some people are not comfortable to be on its receiving end. So usually, I look for cues from the people I'm meeting. Most often than not, the ones that are very much socially influenced by the Western culture wouldn't mind to be called on a first name basis. On the other hand, Filipinos who are (pretty) traditional would still expect you to address them accordingly. Since respect is socially and culturally relative, it's best we consider the other person's frame of reference with regard to it. The easiest could be asking the person how he/she would like to be addressed. But if you are a person who has good interpersonal skills and can tune in to the person's perception of respect with regard to the use of the mentioned expression, you can follow your gut."

You must also learn how to assert yourself.  You may politely tell the other person, "Please call me June."  or say, "I'd appreciate if you don't say po or opo.  I feel uneasy."  But then again, what if the other person feels uncomfortable calling you on a first name basis or not saying po or opo?  Then go acknowledge the honeymoon stage of your relationship.  Besides, you'll have to start with a little formal tone and shift to a more familiar tone once you get to know each other more.

Once again, as my status says, "Respect is seeing how the other person sees it and doing how the other person prefers it done."

MI Kind of Teachers' Day

On February 10, 2012, Friday, Multiple-Intelligence International School celebrated its one of a kind teachers’ day.  I have been an MI teacher (a proud one, may I say) for almost a year now and this year I was baptized with the MI way of honouring and appreciating its teachers.

Last year, I told Brandy, my co-teacher, “I wish we’d join the world’s celebration of teachers’ day.  I feel jealous of the other teachers and I want to feel that I belong to the world community of teachers.”

She said, “No, mas maganda ang teacher’s day dito.  Mag-pre-prepare ang students for us.”

I said, “Ah well, it would still feel better if we are one with the world out there in celebrating teachers’ day.”

It was February 10, 2012, during MI Teachers’ Day celebration when I said to myself that I would never trade our teachers’ day for the world. J

I witnessed how our celebration made much more difference to us as a community of teachers and to our students as well. 

V-Day is MI Teachers’ Day

          It might be by purpose that MI Teachers’ Day is celebrated near to Valentine’s Day.  While the rest of the world was looking for a date and preparing themselves to go on a date (most especially teenagers), our students were brainstorming how to show appreciation to their teachers.  In the faculty room, instead of the teachers looking for possible dates, or places to go for a date, we looked forward to what our students have prepared for us.  As a first timer, I must admit, I didn't know what to expect.  What I knew however, was that I was excited.

           The celebration opened with the first year HS students.  Wearing red, they sang Seasons of Love from the famous musical, Rent.  It was only the beginning and the hall was already filled with love.  (I won’t talk about II-Industria yet because it is my homeroom class.  I reserve the right to save the best for last. J)  II-Liberalitas created their own version of Pinoy Henyo with Ms. Navia, their homeroom adviser as the last contestant to guess “Liberalitas”.  She was able to guess it to the section’s delight.  II-Veritas had their Dance Showdown with the teachers following the steps of the students.  III-Castitas gave each of their teachers simple but meaningful gifts that remind them of their teachers.  III-Frenum did an impersonation of Sir Nio, their adviser.  He wasn’t around but with CJ, he was.  Maimai also delivered a poem for each of the teachers and man, how she could rhyme.  IV-Prudentia gave a rose to each of the teachers and serenaded them.  IV-Iustitia ended it with a futuristic skit of how they would be talking about their teachers 50 years from now.  It was an amazing closing performance that told us teachers that we wouldn’t be forgotten. J

Attitude with Gratitude
     I have always liked listening to Teacher Joy talk.  Be it a simple message, or in a seminar, she always conveyed her ideas with passion and clarity.  As the founding directress of MI, she had always empowered her listeners by giving them messages to remember and live by.  I remember during the presentation of CMLI officers that was held in MI with empowerment of leaders as the main theme, she spoke about how letting students plan among themselves actually empower them to act, serve, and lead.  This was in view of the CMLI students organizing the event that was held that day. 

      In MI teachers’ day celebration this year, the students were empowered yet again to act for they were tasked to initiate a program and presentation of their own; to serve because this time, it wouldn’t be their teachers in front singing and dancing to make the lessons lively, it would be they serving their teachers by a gesture of appreciation; and finally to lead – to lead others, and to lead one’s self to make a difference by a simple act of kindness.

       In her closing, teacher Joy said that “attitude with gratitude” was one of the values this kind of event hopes to instil to its students.  She quoted the story of a student who went back to the village to give his teacher water from the desert that he ladled using his cantina (leather jug).  The student excitedly brought it to his teacher and his teacher drank from the student’s cantina. 

       The teacher said, “Thank you!  It tastes sweet.”  The student then walked away.

      Another student who heard the teacher’s remark asked if he could also drink the water, and when he drank it he spat and said, “Why did you tell him that the water tastes sweet?  It’s bitter and stale and it tastes like leather!”

        The teacher replied, “You tasted the water.  I tasted the gift.”

       Teachers don’t ask much.  We just ask that our students show us their appreciation and gratitude.  More than the water, it is the gift that makes us happy and today we received lot of it from our students.  Happiness!

               

MI Homeroom, Industria

           II-Industria, this is for you – saving the best for last.

I am usually able to express myself through words even when there is a stressful situation, or even when there is a heated exchange of ideas, or even when punch lines are required to make people laugh.  I have always believed that even if words are insufficient, one can choose words and construct sentences that are as closest to the truth, and that are as closest to one’s own reasoning as possible.  I also don’t break easily.  I know how to explain my emotions in my head in such a way that my emotions are transformed to concrete ideas and reflective observations.  As nerdy as it sounds, when I feel something, I am able to think how emotions are actually a product of the activity in the hypothalamic area of the brain and that certain chemical changes are involved to enable a person feel a certain way.  (I should stop talking about this now before I inevitably and excitedly go to topics this blog is not about.J)

The presentation started with the different nominees for different awards.  From the formal attire to the videos they presented, one could tell how much they prepared for it, and how hard they worked to come up with it.  They made me so proud because I could tell how their section had grown from 1^st quarter (and they had grown beautifully well).  During their preparation period, I inadvertently learned about their presentation while I was snooping around (Sorry class!).  It was my job to know what was going on inside and outside my classroom if it had something to do with school or their being the school’s students.  And trust me, it was a broad scope of my job responsibility that I enjoyed doing.  To cut the story short, I already had an idea on how things would go and when they found out that I knew about it already, they hated me (hate loosely used as “got mad or pissed”).  They were calling the nominated teachers one by one and they awarded them accordingly.  But even when I had an idea what the other teachers would receive as awards, I had no knowledge of mine.  What touched my heart was the picture of a father holding his child’s hand while they were both walking to the light with the song playing in the background, “You Raise Me Up”.  At my back, JM (who’s now becoming brighter and more positive), put a ribbon on my neck that said, “BEST DAD AWARD”.  And when I looked back at the video, it was the same award written on top of the picture with the dad and his kid.  They cheered and asked me to stand up.  (It was during this time that I couldn’t find the words in my head.  For a moment, I felt that my brain circuitry was reading codes I couldn’t transform into words.)  A bunch of balloons were carried by the boys from the hall entrance and after they gave it to me, they all knelt down (This time, the words were, “Geez!  Stand up!  Stand up!  No need to kneel down!”).  I saw some of the students and teachers wiping their tears.  (Again, I couldn’t find the words.)  I suddenly felt warm inside and the outer side of my eyes moistened.  Somebody shouted “Group hug!” and they all rushed to me.  “THANK YOU!  YOU MAKE ME HAPPY!  YOU MAKE ME PROUD!” were the only words repeating inside my head.  While looking at all of them, I thought, “Is their hypothalamus also feeling the same way as I do?”  That thought prevented my tears from falling because I myself found the question funny.

To II-Industria, I am proud of you and I love you.  You will forever be the first in my heart. J

               

Teaching the Teacher (Part 2)

Release Card and Burst Card and the 3G’s

There are also those who justify their actions to be generally accepted norms. They say it is normal for example to curse because freedom of expression is inherent to everybody. There goes again the freedom that often people put a misplaced emphasis on – freedom of expression. Some would say that we just need to let out and so they would often use the “burst card” or the “stress card” or however they call it (card refers to excuses). They so often use these cards to acknowledge their being humans and as such they need to release. Allow me to differentiate then release card from the burst card. I coined these two terms to represent two kinds of situations in which a person might find himself to have a sudden urge to say what we generally say as bad words.

Releasing is different from bursting. When we release, we are aware of what is going on inside us. It means that if an unfavorable situation happened and we want to say something about it, we acknowledge first its effect on us and then our thought processes our feelings and/ or actions by validating it in relation to such situation. Our thought validates our feelings and/ or actions by analyzing whether it is an appropriate emotional or bodily response or a mere go-with-the-flow response. (However, we should note the protective nature of our thoughts and that we might more often lean in bias towards appropriate to defend our responses.) A simple guideline to identify whether our response is appropriate is if we feel good about it and we spend less time rationalizing about our action because our inner compass tells us that we did the right thing. Go-with-the-flow response, however, is a cover I have observed people use to blend in with the current flow of conversation for example. Some go-with-the-flow people I’ve observed are the ones who incessantly agree with whatever is being said during the conversation even if the opinions expressed are not appropriate. (I usually observe this in parties where people try to not be left out with the so-called happenings. This occurrence is also observable when some co-workers get together to talk about anything they can express their opinions about.) They lose their mental faculties in the process of going with the flow so they blind themselves of what is going on so that they would be in with the group. Most of the times the go-with-the-flow people deny to recognize this kind of pattern. Mostly, it is because their thought processes the response with a certain kind of bias due to our inherent pro-self nature. These people would claim that it is normal to express themselves. I agree that is common but whether it is normal or not, that is the question. Normal means inherent to your psychology, biology, and sociology. Common, on the other hand, means that it is prevalently observable. Most oftentimes when these people say normal, what they actually mean is common. They think that since it is common, it is normal. Well, that is not always the case. This would lead us back to the two cards – the release card and the burst card. As I have explained earlier, we are entitled to a release card when we are aware of how our thought processes our responses. To sum it all up, we often use the burst card to defend our go-with-the-flow responses. When we release, we are still aware of our feelings. Bursting, on the other hand, is when our movements have become faster than our thoughts.

It’s not easy really to identify when we are releasing or when are bursting. Often, we will have done something first before our thoughts processes it, before our thoughts can identify whether our words or actions fall under the 3G’s (gossiping, griping, and groaning). As a teacher, you and I have the utmost responsibility to think before we speak or before we do.

To teach thyself is the hardest thing to do. But I believe that it is only the hardest if we refuse to be taught; if we refuse to acknowledge common (not normal) patterns that taint our character and integrity. So often, we defend ourselves because we believe its normal, but it is not really. Yes it is common, but it is not necessarily normal. As teachers, we speak most of the time to our students. Each word we say, each act we do, we can never pull back. What normal is how we are created in the holy image because that is what our true nature is – divine.