Earlier this morning, while I was browsing my FB account, I came across an interesting comment from an FB friend. His comment asked whether the use of "po", "ma'am", and "sir" is good or bad for our culture. He further asked in the same comment if such practice limits the ability of two people to interact with each other on equal footing. Some of notable follow-up comments suggested that it would make for a sound research in sociolinguistics. Some expressed their discomfort to be on the receiving end of such expression. Of course, there was also the comment that some people impliedly require others to address the former accordingly making sure those "beneath" them never get up to eye level. Another comment from the same person said that respect may also be shown by by being kind. I then commented with my own observation. To sum up, I ended up updating my FB status to "Respect is seeing how the other person sees it and doing how the other person prefers it done."
I would like to limit this short discussion to the use of the following Filipino expressions: use of
- "po" and "opo";
- "ma'am" and "sir"; and
- "ate" and "kuya"
Before I go to the present use of these expressions, allow me to trace their origin.
Po and Opo
Po/ Opo is a sign of respect and we've been taught to say these expressions to the elderly. Po is a contraction of the word "apo" (accented on the first syllable) so whenever we say "Ano po iyon" we are actually saying, "Ano, apo, iyon?" The word apo means lord (in English) so saying po is a sign of submission and saying "Opo, panginoon" is redundancy (in the earlier times). Opo is the shortened form of "Oo, apo." Apo (also) basically was used by Filipinos especially in the preoccupation period when they referred to their kings and bosses. (
http://forum.wordreference.com) These expressions then evolved to its use to address our parents and other elderly since they were on top of the social hierarchy during the mentioned period. Since language evolves with culture, naturally when our culture shifted, the use of po and opo followed the course.
Ma'am and Sir
Use of ma'am and sir differs even in some of the regions in the United States. For instance, if you go to South Carolina, Southerners are adamant that use of these expressions shows good manners and respect when both adults and kids use it. While Northerners can't bring themselves to say the words. A grandmother who lives in Long Island, for example, told her grandkids not to say "Yes, Ma'am." or "No, Sir" as "it sounded subservient." (
http://www.aquestforgoodmanners.com)
Here in the Philippines, Filipinos when speaking in English may substitute po and opo with ma'am or sir. A book about Basic Tagalog that I read suggested that since there is no direct translation of the words po and opo in English, the use of ma'am or sir is acceptable. Just like po and opo, ma'am (which is the shorter form of madam, thus the use of apostrophe (') to replace the omitted "d") or sir (which is a variation of the original word "sire") was used to address the ones in the upper level of the social strata.
Kuya and Ate
Originally, kuya and ate are terms used to address the older brother and sister, respectively. Today, however, "kuya" and "ate" are used to address the workers of lower ranks. It is interesting to note that in the household, workers of lower ranks are referred to as either a "maid" or "boy" (sometimes, they are called "angels"). When being addressed directly, they are either "yaya" or "yayo" (yes, such word exists). The common household helpers are addressed as "kuya" and "ate". This may also apply to the helpers in the workplace. We, Filipinos, since politeness is in our blood, always come up with euphemisms to make sure our language is reflective of our respectful culture.
When to Use Them
In the present day, the use of these expressions vary from one micro-culture to another. In our country, as diverse as it is, since we are a mixture of different races, we adopt different expressions as we see fit for the environment that we grew up in. Naturally, our choice of language and decorum in our younger years is very much influenced by our family, and distant relatives, including our immediate society. We then grow up believing that "our way is the way". But as we grow and we become more open to change, we realize that language is a product of evolution; its meaning, its implication, its effect are but relative to the movement of one's culture. Thus, we learn to adjust our vernacular together with our behavior to what may be acceptable at a given situation. On the other hand, there are those who are stuck in believing that "their way is the best way". This could have been due to the fact that some regard their practices as superior to others. The best example of this is the influence that is Western. History speaks of how the West helped other countries become more civilized and more democratic (according to their definition, of course). While a lot of nations acknowledge the help Uncle Sam provided to the then oppressed, we couldn't also deny that their power has its undue influence which is ever present in the culture of us Asians. The weak follows their lead blindfolded, the strong, on the other hand, hold on to what is left of their heritage. Thus, in some of our neighboring countries such as China, Japan, Malaysia, Thailand, and even Vietnam, culture is priced in high-esteem. There was a time when China was just a "sleeping giant". Now, they have awakened and the international community feels its stomp when for some time the economy of the United States needed the shake. There was a time when Japan closed its nation for about 20 years right after its humiliation from Hiroshima bombing. Let us take a look at Japan right now, they value their culture and their traditions and we (Filipinos) bystanders look in awe. Malaysia, Thailand, and Vietnam are in the roster of the top economic players among the SEA nations while our country, our beloved Philippines, is in the roll of the lowest 5 countries. The big difference actually may lie in how culture and tradition are given importance in these top countries as opposed to how our culture is weakened because of too much Westernization. While the rest of the SEA nations do their best to stand on the shoulders of their elders, we try to break away from it. We, Filipinos, cannot be blamed though because, seriously, whose shoulders should we stand on? Are they the shoulders of the Malays, Chinese, Spaniards, Japanese, Americans and then Japanese and then Americans again? Where do we get then our sense of identity? Colonization has too high a price to pay not for our colonizers but for us.
On the other side of the coin, we Filipinos have a colorful, rich, and diverse culture that just needs unification. The first step is of course, to acknowledge its diversity. From acknowledgment of its diversity, we may then learn to respect its diverse nature. We may then see it under the spectrum of colorful rays that refract through a prism. We may then define our culture to be an intricate web of inextricable rich strings that need no definition. Because after all, that is what makes us unique as a Filipino nation. Travel the Philippines, they say, and you've traveled around the world - from the West to Europe to Asia back to its heart, the Philippines.
Case in point: more than the use of these expressions, this article is about respect. Respect is relative. Respect evolves. But what should not be forsaken is the respect to our culture and tradition. Let us take pride that we use "po" and "opo" and make the Westerners (or other foreigners) realize that this is the Filipino way and since they are in our country, we would appreciate it if they do the same (I really appreciate foreigner friends who do their best to pronounce it without the semivowel "w" at the end of po - not to me but to some of the people they have just newly met). And since ma'am and sir have become an inevitable part of our polite expressions, let us use them appropriately with due considerations. Kuya and ate? Sure, why not? Words evolve as language does. Maybe this time, it's time for the ate's and kuya's. Po and opo from our forefathers, ma'am and sir from the west, kuya and ate, well, they said these words are Cantonese in origin, so Chinese? Whatever the case, let's embrace it.
Now, it all boils down to this - there is no single correct way of showing respect. Just like my comment, "It's very much a characteristic of Filipino culture to address the people who are deemed to be in position with "ma'am" or "sir". Equally true is when Filipinos use "po" and "opo". However, it's true that some people are not comfortable to be on its receiving end. So usually, I look for cues from the people I'm meeting. Most often than not, the ones that are very much socially influenced by the Western culture wouldn't mind to be called on a first name basis. On the other hand, Filipinos who are (pretty) traditional would still expect you to address them accordingly. Since respect is socially and culturally relative, it's best we consider the other person's frame of reference with regard to it. The easiest could be asking the person how he/she would like to be addressed. But if you are a person who has good interpersonal skills and can tune in to the person's perception of respect with regard to the use of the mentioned expression, you can follow your gut."
You must also learn how to assert yourself. You may politely tell the other person, "Please call me June." or say, "I'd appreciate if you don't say po or opo. I feel uneasy." But then again, what if the other person feels uncomfortable calling you on a first name basis or not saying po or opo? Then go acknowledge the honeymoon stage of your relationship. Besides, you'll have to start with a little formal tone and shift to a more familiar tone once you get to know each other more.
Once again, as my status says, "Respect is seeing how the other person sees it and doing how the other person prefers it done."
